"New Age," Old Tactics

Part of my testimony regarding dreams and desperation.

“Alright class, in 5 minutes we’re going to go over the multiplication table assignment I sent home with you last night,” my fourth grade teacher announced as we were getting back from lunch.

My eyes went wide. CRAP! I had to be quick on my feet.

“Mr. W? Can I go to the bathroom?”

Inside my hoodie pocket was a folded up unfinished assignment and a pencil. I rounded the corner and scribbled the answers as fast as I could, hoping to time it out perfectly and avoid suspicion. The clock was ticking. 5x12… 63x15… 7x38… What was 7x38!?

As soon as the last number was written down I whipped back around the corner. I took a deep breath like I was about to attempt a heist and with the best game face I could muster, I walked back into class, very casually sat down at my desk, and with steely hands slid my assignment into my desk as if it had been there the whole time.

Did I hate the idea of getting caught? Yes. Did I hate the idea of getting in trouble for not doing my homework? Also yes. But I risked it all because I hated the idea of being seen as stupid or forgetful even more.

Wounds are elusive things. This little “issue” I had was a part of my personality as far back as I can remember (until recently, more on that soon). This need to be perceived as, and actually be, successful was like an enemy submarine circling around my boat deep under the water. However, it only became noticeable when it would periodically pop up to the surface for air. But right as I started to notice it, it would dive so deep that it left me leaning over the edge of the boat going, “Maybe it’s gone for good…?”

“So I get a little ‘worked up’ when I don’t meet the expectations set,” I would think.

My competitive self hated that I was part of the participation trophy generation. “What’s wrong with wanting to do my best? Isn’t success a confirmation we are actually talented and good at what we set out to do?”

Unsurprisingly, this led me to try, really hard, to be good at everything: school, sports, looks, rules, etc.

Let’s pause: Is success in and of itself bad? No. Can sin corrupt anything? Absolutely.

There are countless stories of how this need actualized in my life, but let’s zip forward to 2018. For years I had been writing tons of songs in secret and I finally became brave enough to say out loud that I wanted to start pursuing songwriting.

Like so many artists before me, I firmly believed my lack of success was simply a matter of not being discovered. I knew I wasn’t a spring chicken anymore (I was the ripe old age of 25 - ha!), so I finally decided to take my dream public and hit the ground running.

To make a long story short: I networked a bunch, joined lots of clubs, co-wrote with wonderful people I met at Song Camp (I know, I laugh at the name too), and kept chasing this idea that someday, SOMEHOW, I would finally be big.

I had embarrassing daydreams of rubbing shoulders with massive industry names and having a blast creating more content for my fans. Fans, I might add, I promised my daydream I would always treat with kindness and respect. I was going to be the cool celebrity, the nice one who people wrote positively about on Reddit saying how when they asked me for a picture at a coffee shop I said, “Of course!”

If you think that’s embarrassing (which it is), just hang tight.

Now, is songwriting in and of itself bad? No. Can sin corrupt anything? Absolutely.

You see what might sound like a simple childlike dream was actually very anxiety inducing because that submarine never actually left. In my head I could hear the sand from the hour glass falling as I knew my window “to make it” was closing in. Jealousy and frustration abounded to the point where one day I angrily hit the “audio off” button in my car that was playing Taylor Swift’s new album. I drove home in 40 minutes of silence because any hit song just reminded me of how others were living out my very real - but very unrealistic - dream.

Like the rest of the world, things in this department started to take a turn for the worst in 2020. In March of that year my amazing grandma died of a stroke. Shortly after that the world came crashing down with the pandemic. With a lot more free time on my hands now that open mics were cancelled, I decided to start a podcast that dove into what I’ve learned along my grief journey since my mom died in 2007.

To be clear - I really did want to help people. I really do, to this day, have a huge heart for those grieving and I hope God continues to give me opportunities to help people hurting for the rest of my life. That said…

Are grief podcasts in and of themselves sinful? No. Can sin corrupt anything? Absolutely.

This new venture was different from the ones before because I was starting to get desperate. Maybe it was that I was getting older, maybe it was the fact that the world was burning - whatever the exact reason is, the result was the same: I started to fall for the promises of New Ageism.

Let me be clear - it is not a coincidence that these “solutions” started to show up on my radar as my desperation got higher.

Not being firm enough in my faith to spot the difference, I heard various influencers talk about “god” and assumed they were talking about my God; the God of Christianity. I assumed the cherry picked Bible verses they used and the way they positively spoke about Jesus meant they were followers of Jesus (or at the very least not in conflict with Jesus).

Desperate to satisfy the deep needs I had inside I turned to these influencers’ stories of massive growth and wealth with metaphorical drool coming out of my mouth.

Before I knew it, I was reading books like “You are a BadA**” and “The Secret.” I was giving them to friends because of how inspired I was by these authors.

Finally! I thought. No wonder I didn’t make it big before this, I just didn’t know how the universe worked - I didn’t have the right MINDSET!

I’m embarrassed to say that I was filled with a hope I can’t quite put into words. My deepest desire finally had a path forward - I was all in.

I did the meditations, the vision boards, the unfathomably self centered and God-void affirmations: “I am good. I am worthy. I create my own reality. My striving is the only thing preventing me from achieving my dreams. I am peace. I am patience."

I followed the protocol to a T. However, something was wrong: my show wasn’t growing like how I was manifesting it to. In fact, viewership was slowly going down.

What am I doing wrong!? I wondered with frustration as I started watching videos that had hundreds of comments on them that echoed my same sentiments.

The video speakers would say some version of, “You need to be more patient, trust deeper, and meditate longer. You aren’t letting love in enough. Your striving is repelling your dreams, so surrender to the process… THEN it will come to you.”

If it is starting to sound oddly religious (i.e. doing rituals for an outcome) for a group of people who claim to be outside of religion, you are on the right track. You might be noticing some hijacked words from Christianity are in there, too - that is not by accident. You might also be thinking how sad it is that the onus of someone’s problems falls completely onto their shoulders because they weren’t ‘surrendering’ correctly. You might be (correctly) thinking, “This doesn’t sound like something God approves of at all…”

Blinded by my desperation, I, like so many immature believers, sadly did not pick up on any of those things. At first I thought this system they talked about was a truth about the world that was in conjunction with the Bible; something the Bible just didn’t get around to explicitly outlining.

However, as time went on, I shamefully admit that I did start to look the other way when I noticed something was unbiblical - like how some talked about Jesus being a great moral example whose powers came from him being… wait for it… someone who was really good at all the things they were teaching us to do! Wow! What a coincidence.

I justified this obvious red flag by saying, “Well, that’s just their religious view, this stuff is for people of all faiths; this is just a truth of how energy works in the world…”

Despite what some influencers will make it sound like, this belief system isn’t just a natural reality like gravity. While it might come across as a ‘one and done’ situation where you can stop once you get what you want, people in this world say upfront that it is a lifelong practice. What they leave out is how you will end up doing more and more. I remember listening to a podcast where the life coach was saying she recently increased her meditation time to at least an hour a day to keep her anxiety at bay. She didn’t see a problem with it though because she was not anxious anymore… as long as she meditated for an hour a day.

Here’s another thing: even though I didn’t want to believe it, they aren’t claiming to be godless. To give credit where it’s due, they are very clear about what they believe about the universe that they claim to partner with in order to co-create their reality. That deity - however you want to categorize it - is not Yahweh yet they are claiming it has the same functions / powers as Him - which is really, really bad.

If that alone doesn’t highlight how this movement is demon backed, I don’t know what will. You can not be for Yahweh and also for something that He explicitly says He despises: something else getting the honor that He alone deserves.

If you’re not convinced that it’s not compatible with Christianity, here’s another one: New Ageism denies that Jesus is the son of God. “Oh that’s not true…” you might say. It is true. These people are not claiming to be Christians, so let’s believe them when they say it.

New Ageism also claims you and I are co-creators with ‘god,’ which accomplishes Satan’s #1 goal: to make us want to be like God (which is why he himself got kicked out of Heaven in the first place - misery loves company I guess) and to make us believe that we don’t need God. RED FLAG.

New Ageism distracts us with our most carnal desires regardless of whether they are good for society or good for us. New Ageism makes us forget about the fact that fame and success - the things most people, like myself, want to manifest - aren’t the real solution (cue the roll of countless messed up celebrities…).

New Ageism encourages us, sneakily because OF COURSE IT’S SNEAKY, to make the desires we have into idols in our lives as we spend all day maintaining the belief that it’ll one day actualize; while we spend lots of time manifesting what we want it to look like; while we meditate to achieve it; while we “surrender to the process” by not thinking about it too much… but also, somehow, surrendering with the implicit goal to achieve what we want.

DO YOU SEE IT NOW? Idols, God-like status, the love of earthly desires, the lack of actual surrender to God, the hijacking of words, the sweet temptation of having everything you want… Man! I am so embarrassed at how blind I was.

God protected me by letting me burn out and fail. I gave up the show (that had like 3 views on Youtube towards the end) in December of 2021. It broke my heart to say goodbye after a year and a half of trying really, really hard, but I didn’t have the energy to put that much time and effort into it anymore. I walked away defeated; hopeless.

About six months later is when I started to become, what I would consider, a true Christian again. The Holy Spirit did His job and started to open my eyes to my many sins that needed true repentance and this New Age season was one of them. My eyes were opened to how offensive my behavior was to the God I claimed to follow during that time and my deep wounds that were rooted in shame and lack of trust were healed by the only one who can truly satisfy.

I am so grateful for God’s forgiveness; for His godly path laid out before us; for His loyal love and faithfulness. The submarine that I couldn’t get rid of on my own is now gone.

If you are dabbling in those kinds of things I described, or just someone who also has a deep need to be successful by the world’s standards, please hear me when I say I understand why New Ageism is appealing.

But please also hear me when I say you don’t need to manifest anything because you can trust that you have a loving Father who has a good plan for you; a plan that very well might include the good aspects of your dream.

You can trust that the godly way is the best way for both you, your loved ones, and society as a whole. Contentment and true peace that leads to joyfulness is available to you - through Jesus - today. Not tomorrow, not when your dreams become reality, not after you meditate for an hour, but today.

The deepest desires in your heart don’t need to be actualized, they need to be healed. And if brokenness creates these desires, God’s wholeness and God’s holiness is the only thing that can take them away.

Bible Chapter: 1 Corinthians 10

Worship Song: Nothing I Hold Onto

Sermon / Podcast: New Age to Jesus - Heaven & Healing Podcast

If you are recieving this in your email inbox, you can just hit “respond” if you have any comments you’d like to share with me. Or if you prefer, here’s my email: miki@mikispeer.com